A Jesus Surrender

What Was I Doing?

On May 19, 2025, I was driving down the road when the Lord gave me this song in about 10 minutes.

When I listen back to the voice memo I recorded on my phone, I can still remember what was happening in that moment. I can hear the things I felt like the Lord was downloading into my heart and mind, and then pouring out through the words He was giving me.

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When I look back through my Google Photos and see what was happening in my life that week, it makes even more sense.

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It was the last day of school for my three boys, and my oldest son, Rylan, was a senior who would be graduating just two days later. I was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions—planning, stress, excitement, and worry.

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But there was something else happening in my heart, too.

Two days before I wrote this song, I had been at a worship practice where I felt very overlooked. It was a free-flow type of practice and everyone had a chance to flow on the microphone, except for me and maybe one other person, out of the 20ish people there. I walked away with this feeling that maybe I just wasn't good enough. I cried in the car on the way home, just trying to process it. 

Maybe I wasn't enough for the opportunity.
Maybe I wasn't enough for the room.
Maybe I wasn't enough for what God had called me to do.

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And then, two days later, sitting in my car, the Lord gave me this song.

Looking back, I realize He was speaking directly into that place in me.

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The Why

I’m a natural-born people-pleaser, so this song comes from a very personal place. It comes from my own areas of pain, insecurity, and struggle.

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I struggle to give things to Him—to truly lay them down at His feet and leave them there.

I can surrender something and then, somehow, find myself picking it right back up again.

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This song is about refocusing on our purpose and remembering why He called us to it in the first place. It’s about taking our eyes off of the opinions, expectations, disappointments, and insecurities that can so easily pull us away from what God has asked us to do.

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And it's about surrendering even the darkest parts of our lives.

The secrets no one knows.
The shame and guilt we carry.
The things we wish we could hide.

Addiction. Pain. Fear. Anxiety. Vanity. Shame. Anger. Resentment. Unforgiveness.

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All of the things we have struggled with at one point or another.

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The things that make us feel like we're not enough.

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The things we try to control.

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The things we don't know how to let go of.

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But this song isn't just about surrender.

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It’s about a very specific kind of surrender—the kind of surrender Jesus demonstrated for us.

A JESUS SURRENDER.

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I use “Jesus” as an adjective here because I’m asking a very specific question:

What kind of surrender?

A Jesus Surrender.

The kind of surrender that willingly endured being scorned, beaten, bruised, and punished for my iniquities.

The kind of surrender that chose the cross.

The kind of surrender that gave His life for me.

Jesus willingly laid down His life for me.

 

And I want to lay down my life for Him.

I want to surrender the need to be seen.
The need to be enough.
The need for approval.
The fear of being overlooked.
The shame.
The guilt.
The pain.
The anxiety.
The anger.
The resentment.
The unforgiveness.

I want to surrender the parts of my life that I cling to the most—the parts I think I can control, the parts I'm afraid to release, and even the parts I don't understand.

 

I don't want to just surrender the things that are easy to give.

I want to surrender it all.

Completely.
Willingly.
Just as He willingly gave it all for me.

A Jesus Surrender.

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